HasidiCult

If you got past the title, good for you! Not many want to hear about my sexually repressed ass. I guess you are one of the weird few.  Growing up in an uptight religious community, I thought little of sexuality. Most of my friends' parents didn't touch in front of the kids- no, not even casual touch. There's this law (or tradition? I don't even know what it's classified as, to be honest) that couples should not touch at all when the woman is on her period, and to prevent the kids from knowing when that was, they don't touch at all. Also, they claimed some crap about PDAs being reserved for the bedroom. As if your hands brushing while passing the salt is a PDA. I know. In that case, I have had many, many affectionate touches with various cashiers. What a whore I am. Who did my parents raise me to be?! So, I had dreadfully little understanding of sexuality. Even though I was sexually abused as a child, I didn't understand what was happening. It felt awful and

There are a number of big misconceptions that I encounter as a teen living with   juvenile idiopathic arthritis. I have  seropositive polyarthritis, which is the type that's most similar to  adult  rheumatoid arthritis . One misconception is that kids don't get arthritis. Wrong! It's a different kind of arthritis, yes, but it is just as serious, if not more. Another is that if I don't have visible inflammation, then I must be either faking or it's not that bad. This is so incorrect! My arthritis is thankfully not visible, but that doesn't mean it's not there. It means that I need to get it under control BEFORE it deforms my joints. Once they're deformed, it's too late. I even have erosions on my bones already, but the average person can't see that. It's only seen through a specialized scan, like an MRI. So the fact that my fingers don't look like sausages is not a reason to say that I'm "just lazy," especially when I'm t

Shabbos, the weekly Jewish holiday, should be a day of rest. But for survivors, it can be just the opposite. I was going to write this as an inspiration piece, full of encouragement of how you can keep going and keep Shabbos even when the going is really rough. (Haha, as if.) But then, I thought, to hell with that. Let's be real.  Keeping Shabbos as a trauma survivor is hell. Plain and simple. Majority of my coping mechanisms are melacha ( which is the term for forbidden work on Shabbos), so I can't cope with the tremendous amount of anxiety I feel. Listening to music? Nope. Putting on lotion? Nada. Calling a friend? Can't do that either. Cutting myself? Just kidding. Don't do that anymore. Plus, all of my major traumas happened on Shabbos, so that doesn't help things much. Even just thinking of the day gets me jittery. As a child, I was molested by a predator in the neighborhood who attended the same Shul (synagogue) as my family. He also happens to be a huge donor

Coming from the Chabad-Lubavitch Hasidic community, which is considered to be more "modern" than other communities, people expect that it's easier for me to assimilate and join the secular world. Cue frustrating buzzer noise. WRONG! I am unfortunately woefully ignorant as to how to conduct myself out there- in the big, wide world. Yes, I speak English, which is a plus, but I can't so much as figure out how to buy myself a pair of jeans. Especially not in the midst of this pandemic, when all the changing rooms are closed. (Hit me up in the comments if you've got any tips!) It bewilders me to imagine how the fabric should stretch itself over my ass. Should it be tight? Should it be loose? Some middle ground between the two? I honestly have no clue. I know how to buy skirts, but that's easy. Does the zipper close? Does it cover my knees? Does it match most of my clothes? Okay, great. Mission Skirt Purchase accomplished. But pants are a whole 'nother ballgame.