Welcome to my blog!

Coming from the Chabad-Lubavitch Hasidic community, which is considered to be more "modern" than other communities, people expect that it's easier for me to assimilate and join the secular world. Cue frustrating buzzer noise. WRONG! I am unfortunately woefully ignorant as to how to conduct myself out there- in the big, wide world. Yes, I speak English, which is a plus, but I can't so much as figure out how to buy myself a pair of jeans. Especially not in the midst of this pandemic, when all the changing rooms are closed. (Hit me up in the comments if you've got any tips!) It bewilders me to imagine how the fabric should stretch itself over my ass. Should it be tight? Should it be loose? Some middle ground between the two? I honestly have no clue. I know how to buy skirts, but that's easy. Does the zipper close? Does it cover my knees? Does it match most of my clothes? Okay, great. Mission Skirt Purchase accomplished. But pants are a whole 'nother ballgame. 

That got me reflecting on the dearth of practical blogs to help Hasidic Jews leave their communities. I've seen a couple that are full of ideas and reasons and intellectual mind-games about why people want to leave, which are great in their own kind of way. But in terms of teaching me about getting into college or scoring a job, I haven't found much. That's why I started this blog. It's going to be a bit of a mish-mash, I think, of my frustrations with the community as well as my practical journey of busting out of here. I'm opening this hell of a ride up to anyone brave enough to join me. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this freakishly scary trek to uncharted territory: The Real World. 

Hi! You can call me Vivian. I am a free-spirited girl currently living in the insular Hasidic community of Chabad-Lubavitch. I blog about my questions and struggles with religion, as well as my everyday spoonie life with chronic illness. You'll usually find me either with a pen and notebook, furiously writing up my next poem, or curled up with a cup of hot chocolate and a book. Although if you look hard enough, you might find me secretly watching Netflix somewhere.

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