About Me

Hi! You can call me Vivian. That isn't my real name, which I won't share because I wish to maintain my privacy and safety. However, I will give you a hint: the name Vivian shares a meaning with my second name, which is a common Chabad one. Think about it and you might figure it out. Let me know if you do, but I reserve the right to neither confirm nor deny. 



I am a free-spirited girl currently living in the insular Hasidic community of Chabad-Lubavitch. I blog about my questions and struggles with religion, expose flaws of the community from the inside and document my journey leaving the community. I also blog about my spoonie life living with multiple chronic illnesses and mental health issues. I also love posting empowerments! 

You'll usually find me either with a pen and notebook, furiously writing up my next poem, or curled up with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book. Although if you look hard enough, you might find me secretly watching Netflix somewhere. You never know with me. And hopefully neither do my principals. (I'm currently in 12th grade... in an Orthodox girls' school. I sure hope my principals never find this blog.) 

To sum me up, I'll share a story: At a therapy session years ago, I was lamenting to my therapist about how I could never seem to fit myself into any of the neat little boxes in the community, how I always felt different. My therapist looked confused for a moment, and then exclaimed, "But why would you try so hard to conform? You're such an individual! Since when do you care about fitting in?!" Exactly, folks. I don't. I have no idea why it took me so long to realize this, but I am way too much of an individual to fit into any neat little box. I don't give two hoots what others think.

If you'd like to get in touch with me, feel free to use the contact form or drop a comment! I do my best to check my messages and respond to comments. I'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and *respectful* opinions! 

Whether you are, like me, in the process of leaving the Hasidic community, and need a supportive blog to assist you, or you're simply curious about my thoughts on Chabad, you've come to the right place. Make sure to buckle up though, because we're in for a hell of a ride. 

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